JoK3s~~~ ^-^
Quiz Kid :" By the way, did you know it is now the fashion to dress according to the color of your hair?"
Quiz Kidder :" No kidding!"
Quiz Kid :" Sure! A man with brown hair should wear a brown suit. A man with gray hair should wear a gray suit, and so on."
Quiz Kidder :" Say, tell me. How should a bald-headed man dress?"
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The teacher had been giving a very long and not very interesting lecture on animals. When she finished, she decided to ask a few questions, and started off with this one:" Now, Tommy, tell me where elephants are found."
Tommy hadn't done much listening, but he was willing to do a little bluffing. "Elephant," said Tommy wisely," are such darned big animals that they hardly ever get lost."
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Mummy was away , visiting her sister for a few days, and Daddy got to wishing for a sponge cake.
"I'll make one." his daughter promised. When Daddy got home that night and asked for the sponge cake, daughter replied, "Well, I cooked it for you, but it didn't turn out right. I'll bet the grocer sent me the wrong kind of sponge."
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Annoyed Father :" Good heavens, son! Why aren't you at the top of your class once in a while, instead of always be the bottom?"
Dumb Bunny :" It doesn't make any difference, Dad. The teacher talks so loud you can hear at both ends."
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Father :" Well, son, how are your marks?"
Son :" They're under water."
Father :" What do you mean, under water?"
Son :" Below C level..."
老豆与我
从来都不知道我的老豆说话可以这么的......“可爱”。我差点被他的话给气得噎着，不知他是不是特地乘我吃饭时说这些冷笑话，真是杀人于无形！话说某个星期五的夜晚（愚人节当天），我可爱的企鹅老豆走进厨房陪我这刚从学校回来的可爱的熊猫女儿说话。以下就是我们之间的对话......
企鹅老豆：“怎样啊？这星期在学校有没有乖乖啊？”
熊猫女儿：“当然有咯，我这么乖。”（神啊，请原谅我只道出一半的事实......)
企鹅老豆：“这星期是你的学校假期吧？都不明白你回去干嘛。如果你那么乖，那你一定没出街花钱咯？那你妈咪给你的零用钱一定够用了，我就不给你额外零用钱了。” （可恶的企鹅老豆竟然露出奸人的邪恶微笑！）
熊猫女儿：（冷汗慢慢地流过额头......别啊，老豆，你是我的天我的地，没有你的补助，下星期的生活会是惨不忍睹的......) “呵呵，钱嘛，是旧的不去，新的不来的。（努力陪笑中）您不知道吗，您女儿我的座右铭是 play hard & study hard! 所以我很努力地读书，也很努力地玩。哈哈哈。”
企鹅老豆：（挑一挑眉）“那么你是play hard & waste hard咯？我的荷包就slim hard until dead咯？”[最近有部电影叫《瘦到死》]
熊猫女儿：（妈啊，老豆何时那么up-dated的？）（冷汗嗖嗖地流，脑袋开始罢工中）“没啦，用的钱也不会太多。我真的有study hard 哦！”
企鹅老豆：“是吗？有study hard吗？你有study hard 我就不怎么清楚了。但怕你是study with no heart。”(奸人笑容再现！）
熊猫女儿：“!!!!!!!” （老豆又说他的英文水准不好？！！怎么... ... 怎么... ... )
wHat iS yOuR CaRtOOn ChaRacTer?
Answer all the questions with what describes you best, add up all your points at the end and lookfor your results.
1) Which one of the following describes the perfect date?a) Candlelight dinner - 4
b) Fun/Theme Park - 2
c) Painting in the park - 5
d) Rock concert - 1
e) Going to the movies - 3
2) What is your favorite type of music?a) Rock and Roll - 2
b) Alternative - 1
c) Soft Rock - 4
d) Country - 5
e) Pop - 3
3) What type of movies do you prefer?a) Comedy - 2
b) Horror - 1
c) Musical - 3
d) Romance - 4
e) Documentary - 5
4) Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these?a) Waiter - 4
b) Professional Sports Player - 5
c) Teacher - 3
d) Police - 2
e) Cashier - 1
5) What do you do with your spare time?a) Exercise - 5
b) Read - 4
c) Watch television - 2
d) Listen to music - 1
e) Sleep - 3
6) Which one of the following colors do you like best?a) Yellow - 1
b) White - 5
c) Sky Blue - 3
d) Dark Blue - 2
e) Red - 4
7) What do you prefer to eat right now?a) Snow - 3
b) Pizza - 2
c) Sushi - 1
d) Pasta - 4
e) Salad - 5
8) What is your favorite Holiday?a) Halloween - 1
b) Christmas - 3
c) New Year - 2
d) Valentines Day - 4
e) Thanksgiving - 5
9) If you could go to one of these places which one would it be?a) Paris - 4
b) Spain - 5
c) Las Vegas - 1
d) Hawaii - 4
e) Hollywood - 3
10) With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?a) Someone Smart - 5
b) Someone attractive - 2
c) Someone who likes to Party - 1
d) Someone who always has fun - 3
e) Someone very sentimental - 4
Now add up your points and find out the answer you have been waiting for!
(10-16 points) You are Garfield: You are very comfortable, easy going, and you definitely know how to have fun but sometimes you take it to an extreme where you can hurt others. You tend to ignore feelings of others.You always know what you are doing and you are always in control of your life. Others may not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember your happy spirit may hurt you or others.
(18-26 points) You are Snoopy: You are fun, you are very cool and popular. You always know what's in and you never are out of style. You are good at knowinghow to satisfy everyone else. You have probably disappeared for a few days more than once but you always come home with the family values that you learned. Being married and having children are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun times.
(22-28 points) You are Arnold: You have lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person in need. You are very optimistic and you always see the brightmside of things. Some good advice: try not to be too much of a dreamer, if not you will have many conflicts with life. When someone that is honest offeres you friendship, take it. Keep in touch with reality and life will be so much fun.
(29-34 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants:You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend anyone could ever have and never want to loose. You never cause harm to anyone, and nobody will ever understand you or your feelings. You are usually used by others becasue of your good nature and loving qualities. Those who do respect you doso in the most honest way. Life is a journey, your always on an adventure, funny and calm, yet full of too many ups and downs for the most part. Stay away from traitors and jealous people as they are the ones that bring you down... then you will be stress free.
(35-42 points) You are Charlie Brown: you are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are a family person. You call your mom every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally forget a few Birthdays. Don't let your passion confuse you with reality.
(43-50 points) You are Dexter: You are smart and definitely a thinker. Every situation is fronted with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles. Maintain a stable routine but never ignore a bad situation when it comes upon you. When it comes to friends, your #1. Other people's problems are just that, their problems. You have selective hearing.
